A Reddit thread asking marriage therapists about relationship red flags and why marriages fail drew more than 5,400 upvotes and 704 comments at the time of publication. Among the responses, one self-described therapist said couples often arrive wanting help with communication, but that the deeper issue is what makes it hard for them to communicate effectively with each other.
The therapist said they first ask couples to work on self-regulation: being willing and able to manage their own behavior. They pointed to untreated mental health or hormonal issues as possible barriers, and resentment or ego as examples of unwillingness. Without addressing those difficulties, the therapist wrote, other efforts may not lead to change.
One commenter described struggling with defensiveness during disagreements. They said asking themselves what they were defending, and what they feared being defended against, helped them respond better as a partner. They also explained that admitting fault had once felt like an attack on their character. Learning to distinguish having hurt someone from being a bad person, they wrote, made conflict feel less like a crisis.
Another Redditor, who said they were a therapist but not a marriage therapist, shared a generalization about who initiates counseling. They wrote that wives may seek help when problems arise, while husbands may refuse until counseling feels like a last resort. The commenter cautioned readers to treat a partner raising the idea of counseling as a sign that something is wrong.
The Daily Dot said it could not independently verify the accounts in the Reddit thread. The comments reflect the experiences and views shared by the users who posted them.
Sources: The Daily Dot.