TikTok trauma coach @iamjaysaxe has drawn more than 517,000 views and 931 comments with a video about why he believes some men cheat. Jay, who says he has personally experienced the shame associated with infidelity, argues that the behavior is often linked to unaddressed insecurity rather than an uncontrollable sexual appetite.
In the video, Jay rejects several commonly cited explanations, including changes in a partner’s appearance after childbirth, diminished attraction and a sudden loss of love. In his view, these are surface-level explanations, while the deeper issue can be a man’s belief that he is not enough for his partner—whether financially, emotionally, practically or personally.
Jay says attention from another woman can temporarily quiet that feeling of inadequacy. He also links infidelity to avoidant communication, suggesting that some men struggle to express their needs, expectations or vulnerability and instead avoid conflict and difficult conversations because they fear rejection.
Another factor he identifies is the sense of power created by secrecy. Jay says some men who feel a lack of control or value in their relationships or elsewhere in their lives may seek a renewed sense of importance through an affair. He also argues that certain ideas about masculinity can lead men to view women as status symbols or sources of validation, a pattern he says may be learned within the family.
According to Jay, boredom can also play a role—but not necessarily boredom with a partner. He says some men are dissatisfied with themselves, while the thrill may come from the secrecy, risk and feeling of getting away with the behavior.
Jay further describes a pattern in which some men idealize strong women while feeling intimidated by them. He says they may then seek validation from women they perceive as less threatening to a fragile sense of self, rather than because those women are necessarily better partners.
The video’s commenters included women who said they had been betrayed and did not consider an explanation an excuse. One said her former partner’s lies, denial and cheating had seriously damaged her ability to trust. Another described cheating men as weak and lacking self-awareness. A different commenter offered a contrasting perspective, saying she had cheated after falling in love with someone else.
The Daily Dot reported that it could not independently verify @iamjaysaxe’s claims, which are based on his personal experience and opinions expressed in the TikTok video.
Sources: The Daily Dot.